Today has been an emotional day for me. My Dad died 14 1/2 years ago and now my Mom has decided at the age of 70 that she is going to get married again. Her fiance's name is Wayne and they are happy as can be about being together and getting married. I however am having a hard time with it. I am not having a hard time with my Mom getting married but with my Dad being replaced. You would think that at 41 years old I would be mature enough to deal with this but I'm NOT.
Wayne is a really nice and caring man. The kind of person I want my Mom to have in her life and the kind of person that will be a good Grandfather for my girls. BUT it isn't supposed to be a nice man that is my girls Grandfather it is supposed to be MY Dad.
I am really trying to adjust to all of this and for the most part I am except for the fact that right now all I can think of is that I miss my Dad. It isn't fair that he died when I was so young and that I never got to see him with my children or Andy. So I guess what I am really doing is mourning all over again for the loss of my Dad. Not the loss of the everyday Dad that left 14 years ago but the loss of who my Dad was supposed to be in my life as I grew into adulthood and had a family. I thank God for the man that my Dad was and for the gift he was to me. I don't know who I would be if it hadn't been for my Dad.
My prayer now is that I can accept Wayne for the person that he is in my life and the life of my family and that I can love him despite the fact that he is in a place that in my heart will always belong to my Daddy.
Hurt People (Don't Have To) Hurt People
2 months ago
3 comments:
Kathy, I am sitting here crying. I have never lost a parent but I lost my grandmother that I was VERY close to and every time something big happens in my life I cry because she is not here and is not sharing it with us. So I can imagine a bit of your grief. You are grieving for what should have been......and I am sorry. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I am so sorry. You are right, according to us, he should still be with us. He would have been so proud of the woman you have become and he would have ADORED the girls.
I love you,
Andy
Kathy, I can't relate to this on the same level, but this is exactly what my mom went through. Her mom died when she was 19, so neither my dad or us kids ever got to meet her. Later in life, my grandpa made some not so great choices (including a marriage) and all of that was very hard on my mom. I know she thought many times that things would be different if her mom were still alive. Regardless, we were able to see healing in my grandpa (and my mom) eventually, but it did take some time. I'm hoping that will happen with you as well. Praying for you!
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